Felt necessary. Might delete later.
Does it ever seem to you that the moment you get your thoughts together enough to make an Actual Plan - a plan you are going to stick to and follow through - that something (Universe, God, gods, Fate, coincidence) spits their tea, slaps their thigh and slams the Let’s **** It Up button faster than you can say, “Oh”?
I’ve lost count of the times this has happened to me over the years. From the relatively predictable week of migraine that starts the same day as my Couch to 5K plans, to the last absolute shit-show of a year that started the day after my birthday in 2022 and is still going strong a year later. In those 12 months I’ve had all sorts of genius plans - career, home, spiritual, all the things - and every single time there’s been yet another metaphorical bloody fire to fight.
It struck me recently that I/my family lurch from one Thing To Deal With to the next. Because I’m not overly organised and my brain isn’t designed to put things into tidy, linear formats, dealing with things is usually exhausting, but before I/we recover BOOM here’s the next panic.
It’s not just me, is it? I’m sensing there’s quite a lot of this going on.
Frankly I’m all out of genius plans. What’s the point? Never gonna happen because somebody’s foot will fall off, or the water heater will explode, or we’ll get hit with a massive bill for a tiny thing because SHIT-SHOW.
If I told you what we as a family have had land at our door recently I don’t think you’d believe me. It’s not all terrible (some is, NGL) but it is all exhausting. The mental, emotional and physical space these things take up leaves very little behind. I keep thinking we’re done.
We’re not done. We’re just increasingly less able to energetically resource the fire-fight.
I’ll take a moment to acknowledge some things:
First world problems
Other People….so much worse…etc
“Beats the alternative”
“These things are sent to try us”
A tiny violin
“Oh for goodness sake just deal with it like everyone else does”
and my mother’s favourite: “No one said it was going to be fair” (I’m the eldest of five).
I’m still over it. Still having a moment. Still ready to click my heels together three times and GTFO of Oz.
I was going to take a deep breath and think of some spiritually vanilla way of saying, “But I know it’ll all be alright in the end because if it’s not alright, it’s not the end” but sod that for a game of soldiers.
Anyone else just IN IT at the moment? Want to vent in the comments? Be petty. Get trivial. If it’s making your teeth itch just tell us all about it.
Normal service wasn’t ever really a thing around here but I may get back there one day and I promise I’ll be in a better mood.
Unless I inexplicably develop frostbite, lose my fingers and have to sell my laptop to feed the rats in the garden.