There’s a number that started showing up on my phone a few years ago - I blocked it. Recently, it tries more often - I’ve been letting it go to voicemail. I know who’s calling. The Crone.
Before I read any of the comments, just know that you are my new best friend. (Stand in line, people!)
I'm still so bedazzled by what I just read nothing I say here will make sense, but this 85-year-old relates to every single thing you wrote. (Except the part about Elvis Costello. He was my daughter's favorite. I leaned more toward Rodgers and Hammerstein.)
I'm just past my first year of widowhood so I blame everything on 'widow's brain' now. Five years ago it was 'chemo brain'. I suppose all along it was 'Ramona's brain', but indecision is my main bugaboo. Also, the need to have people like me. Also the need to have people praise my work and PAY ME FOR IT. But I'm an introvert at heart and I can't for the life of me get comfortable with asking people for favors like reading my work or my god actually paying for it.
I try to please and that's the worst thing any writer can do. There is no pleasing everyone. Anyone. My best work comes when I manage to put that out of my mind and just go for it. So I'm tucking this essay away and I'll pull it out whenever I started heading down the wrong track again. Because I should be that crone, that wonderful, terrible crone, and I'm not yet.
Hello friend! 😁 I relate to all of this, so much. But I also have to say that I’ve been reading your Notes and posts and Ramona you are definitely that wonderful Crone! You have elbows to die for alongside the great advice and insight - I love it!
Aw, thanks. The thing is, I have those bursts because at heart I'm an opinionator, but over the long haul I'm that creature full of doubts. Why would anyone listen to me? Well, because I have some thoughts on the subject. Okay, but why me? Lots of people have those same thoughts. Well, because I'm a writer and I've been at this for a long, long time. Ha! Not good enough!
And so it goes. But I'm a sucker for a good pep talk so I latch onto the best, which is what you wrote today. This is all on you. You did good!
Dammit Jo! You (and a very few others, including Mr. Kingsnorth) are the reason I'm not flipping this Substack thing the bird and storming off back to my hermitage (where Crone has made herself very comfortable, by the way)....*sigh* xoxo
I wish someone had snapped a photo of my face as I read this. So I could send it to you. So you could see the depth of the impact, the direct hit on my heart. Thank you. I thought, when I clicked the through link, you were only saving me--for just a few minutes-- from analyzing the impact of Notes on my audience. But instead you made me remember why I’m here (interpret both micro and macro).
I'm a longtime admirer of your work and you just made my day, Maia. Thank you. I'm so touched that this reached you and you felt it. My heart just a direct hit too. Much love. x
Yes, very padded and no matter what I do the padding increases 😳. Nothing about me is bony. Maybe Brazilian crones work differently? Either way- it’s a delicious time of life once you give into it. I particularly love the zero f**ks given angle, considering how many f**ks I used to give!
Damn. This is about the best thing I've read in a long time. I've always loved your writing but you're taking things up a notch and I'm here for more. Also, after reading your words, I feel strangely comforted about this next chapter on this aging journey, so thank you my friend xo
Love this so much. And love the crone. I find myself sitting eagerly waiting for her while asking myself what parts of mother do I have yet to learn from. But crone? Heck yeah.
'Less diplomacy' for sure, and with it, 'more pain' as we come to terms with the things we can't fix, and must therefore walk (slowly, as gracefully as our croney knees will let us) away from.
But yes, wisdom and warmth can cohabit. As long as they behave!
I love this Jo for its description and wonderful, magical delve into the Crone. The truth is we can’t run, so we may as well embrace all of it. I feel like I’ve probably been waiting for this version of myself all my life. For some of the reasons that you’ve pointed out. I’d like to care less, so I can care more for what really matters. For some reason the word intimacy came up as thought it gives you permission to get to know the parts of you that you’ve avoided. I’m ready thank you! 💫🙏
Intimacy feels true to me too, Louise. A closeness to Life that I stood back from in the past, preferring to see it in “soft focus” maybe. Now I love the gritty detail!
Really enjoyed this, Jo, thank you. I feel my crone is nearby, like she’s at a nearby table in a cafe, as the fs I give fall. And so many of the women I work with aren’t experiencing this kind of empowerment, their people-pleasing, for example, runs so deep they recognise it and still struggle so much to challenge it.
I’m a people-pleaser from way back, which is another reason I think I’ve avoided the crone so determinedly. But she takes no prisoners and she’s patient!
Jo, please write a book.
I’ll leave that to those of you with a functional attention span!
Before I read any of the comments, just know that you are my new best friend. (Stand in line, people!)
I'm still so bedazzled by what I just read nothing I say here will make sense, but this 85-year-old relates to every single thing you wrote. (Except the part about Elvis Costello. He was my daughter's favorite. I leaned more toward Rodgers and Hammerstein.)
I'm just past my first year of widowhood so I blame everything on 'widow's brain' now. Five years ago it was 'chemo brain'. I suppose all along it was 'Ramona's brain', but indecision is my main bugaboo. Also, the need to have people like me. Also the need to have people praise my work and PAY ME FOR IT. But I'm an introvert at heart and I can't for the life of me get comfortable with asking people for favors like reading my work or my god actually paying for it.
I try to please and that's the worst thing any writer can do. There is no pleasing everyone. Anyone. My best work comes when I manage to put that out of my mind and just go for it. So I'm tucking this essay away and I'll pull it out whenever I started heading down the wrong track again. Because I should be that crone, that wonderful, terrible crone, and I'm not yet.
Hello friend! 😁 I relate to all of this, so much. But I also have to say that I’ve been reading your Notes and posts and Ramona you are definitely that wonderful Crone! You have elbows to die for alongside the great advice and insight - I love it!
Aw, thanks. The thing is, I have those bursts because at heart I'm an opinionator, but over the long haul I'm that creature full of doubts. Why would anyone listen to me? Well, because I have some thoughts on the subject. Okay, but why me? Lots of people have those same thoughts. Well, because I'm a writer and I've been at this for a long, long time. Ha! Not good enough!
And so it goes. But I'm a sucker for a good pep talk so I latch onto the best, which is what you wrote today. This is all on you. You did good!
Dammit Jo! You (and a very few others, including Mr. Kingsnorth) are the reason I'm not flipping this Substack thing the bird and storming off back to my hermitage (where Crone has made herself very comfortable, by the way)....*sigh* xoxo
Me 'n' Paul had a chat and decided it was our duty to get you to stay.
B*stards. :D
You're welcome : D xx
“now I’m a crystal too”
is fucking brilliant and so well understood over here.
This essay Jo...you’ve captured in words and images what this menopause can be and it’s lovely
I know you know and your wise company through it all is one of my favourite things. ❤️
I wish someone had snapped a photo of my face as I read this. So I could send it to you. So you could see the depth of the impact, the direct hit on my heart. Thank you. I thought, when I clicked the through link, you were only saving me--for just a few minutes-- from analyzing the impact of Notes on my audience. But instead you made me remember why I’m here (interpret both micro and macro).
I'm a longtime admirer of your work and you just made my day, Maia. Thank you. I'm so touched that this reached you and you felt it. My heart just a direct hit too. Much love. x
Now both our days are made! (And I just recommended this article to Substack Reads.)
Thank you so much xx
Beautiful Jo, you say what my menopause addled brain wants to but is unable. Thank you ❤️💚
You're so welcome - thanks for your comment! x
Yes, very padded and no matter what I do the padding increases 😳. Nothing about me is bony. Maybe Brazilian crones work differently? Either way- it’s a delicious time of life once you give into it. I particularly love the zero f**ks given angle, considering how many f**ks I used to give!
Same! I think we can be “energetically boney”!
Ha! Great observation. I’m very energetically bony. Sticking my “energetically bony fingers and elbows” into many people’s ribs.
Damn. This is about the best thing I've read in a long time. I've always loved your writing but you're taking things up a notch and I'm here for more. Also, after reading your words, I feel strangely comforted about this next chapter on this aging journey, so thank you my friend xo
Thank you for your kind words! They mean a lot. And I’m feeling more positive too. Almost excited to see where she takes me!
May I just say (thumps hand on heart) yes, yes, YES! A thousand times, yes!
You may! And thank you!
Love this so much. And love the crone. I find myself sitting eagerly waiting for her while asking myself what parts of mother do I have yet to learn from. But crone? Heck yeah.
She’s growing on me by the day and I was the LAST person for whom I’d’ve made that prediction!
'Less diplomacy' for sure, and with it, 'more pain' as we come to terms with the things we can't fix, and must therefore walk (slowly, as gracefully as our croney knees will let us) away from.
But yes, wisdom and warmth can cohabit. As long as they behave!
The walking away is a rough one, for sure.
This made me laugh and cry. It made my heart swell. I love this time (56) of my life.
Thank you for this beautiful and frank post!
I love this Jo for its description and wonderful, magical delve into the Crone. The truth is we can’t run, so we may as well embrace all of it. I feel like I’ve probably been waiting for this version of myself all my life. For some of the reasons that you’ve pointed out. I’d like to care less, so I can care more for what really matters. For some reason the word intimacy came up as thought it gives you permission to get to know the parts of you that you’ve avoided. I’m ready thank you! 💫🙏
Intimacy feels true to me too, Louise. A closeness to Life that I stood back from in the past, preferring to see it in “soft focus” maybe. Now I love the gritty detail!
Absolutely Jo, warts and all! 😂
Really enjoyed this, Jo, thank you. I feel my crone is nearby, like she’s at a nearby table in a cafe, as the fs I give fall. And so many of the women I work with aren’t experiencing this kind of empowerment, their people-pleasing, for example, runs so deep they recognise it and still struggle so much to challenge it.
I’m a people-pleaser from way back, which is another reason I think I’ve avoided the crone so determinedly. But she takes no prisoners and she’s patient!
Yes! The crone challenges what we’ve taken on and that’s not comfortable!
Beautiful piece!
Thank you so much.
Excellent I am so becoming Croney - I might already be there
I rather like “croney”. Crone-ish?