Def not just you. Currently so hard core over my job it’s a wonder I haven’t (yet) tipped a metaphorical can of petrol over my desk, told everyone I have no fucks to give and walked out (because, mortgage, wage slavery, etc). So, I concur. Fuck this for a game of soldiers. Hugs, across the ether x
Honestly Jo, I was sitting here thinking many of the same things, wondering what the hell to try and start next, when you dropped in my inbox. I keep feeling back to square one. I can't listen to the news any more as it upsets me too much. We need to move house but I can't get my head in the game as there's so much to do first. My body is currently throwing anxiety and depression at me in cycles, getting less frequent but I'd like to know when will it stop please. My solutions are to stop, breathe, do something for myself and take it one day (or sometimes one minute) at a time so overwhelm doesn't engulf me. Sending a big hug, I hope things improve for us all soon. xx
Feeling this so much today. My inner child wants to throw a tantrum because I’m tired and I’m overwhelmed and why does everyone want things from me? And despite having a weekend to myself without the family, I don’t feel better.
Absolutely not just you. It seems this whole last year has been one thing after another. Just as I felt as if I might be on the road to recovery, have a plan, zappo! not so. While the severity of my dilemmas has lessened, I still keep asking myself, really? And my mother's favorite saying, "This too shall pass," helps, but not all the time. And, the state of the world just seems impossibly wrong. Some days I do just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, but so far have not caved in. The sun is shining today after days of gray and rain, so my outlook is a tad better. Thanks for the opportunity to vent!
Oh yes!! I experienced this last week! Just about dared to think ‘hey, it almost feels like I’ve got my shit together’ and then BAM!! Norovirus! BAM! Tooth abscess. *sigh*
Oh so true. Everything just seems like A Lot at the minute and everyone I know seems to be in the same boat. It's as though all of the horrors of the past 3 years have just pushed us way beyond our normal coping mechanisms. And we are all just running on empty, frankly
Definitely NOT just you. I have a little dog that used to be sweet and cuddly and laid back but that got a little twitchy after his two companion dog buddies died and left him alone. I was telling someone about my little dog and I realized I could have been describing myself. There has been so much loss and chaos in my life these past 3 years that I too have become a wild eyed twitchy mess. I've been living in that state of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" for way too long. I'm beyond tired all of the time and I am fed up with the world and with people. I think pressure to be a part of a community has put me in the crankiest of states. I am tired of causes and gatherings--well, just people in general right now. I am so tired and overwhelmed. The world has gotten so damned noisy and ugly. I am going to spend a week in a cabin in the woods this summer (not my house--another house in another wood) with no kids or dogs or internet or phone service. I am hoping I can hit a reset button while there. I am desperate for a fresh start.
First, a big virtual hug. I feel all of this so much for you. And you are definitely not alone, as seen in the comments and looking all around me. I am saying this a lot lately: "I miss 2020." NOT the suffering, nor the fear, nor the crazy political games, nor the challenges others had to face, like home schooling and job losses. For us, it was a calm year. All of my husband's travel plans got cancelled and suddenly we didn't have to be anywhere or see anyone. No obligations for a whole year. That part was amazing. And now it's 2023 and the world is trying to make up for the lost fun while also spiraling into ever escalating political turmoil. It's a LOT. Especially when our personal lives are starting to spin out of control as well. I think some of that is simply part of aging, more things/people start breaking down, we have entered the time of natural decline and decay. Something I am still in denial about but I can feel it nipping at my heels, it's coming for me. Sending you much love, you've still got this xo
Ha. I was just having this conversation with an older dear friend of mine. She mentioned that her military dad’s wisdom was to keep your business to yourself and move on. Not sure that being “tough” is the answer but there is an element of truth. I could whine and bitch about my cars being over 100,000 miles and breaking all at the same time. I could complain that I’m not making any money but spending hundreds on my “business”. I could complain they my painter bailed on the job the day he was suppose to start. Oh yeah my house is a pit and I haven’t showered in a week. Hmmm. It does feel good but in the long run it is up to me to manage and deal with it all. I can enjoy the moments that are simple and easy. Like making pizza 🍕 a day early and binge watching Star Wars with my 21 kid. I’ll take it. I’ll put up with a lot if I can have little moments of pure joy. One day, hopefully soon, there will be more joy than the crap. Wishing you all a bit more fun and joy today. You deserve it. We all do. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have so much to say on the subject of goal setting, planning and that whole 'mindset', I am you, in a different chapter, and I struggled with the fact that nothing ever went according to plan for years. I was beyond frustrated and was SO resentful, and regularly thought what is the F***g point of even trying? I gave up planning some years back, because I felt so defeated, and ver much lost my enthusiasm, I've learnt the very hard and long way, that life, just like our need to create, cannot be planned. Planning and the goal driven mindset, leaves no room for the emotional journey we go on, and life to unfold, and that an incremental part of 'the work' is not planning our path, and trying to figure out the 'right way' to fulfil our (creative) potential, so much of 'the work' is in learning to trust, fostering faith, acknowledging the season we are in, and being at peace with ourselves and the pace at which we are paving our path towards our (creative) potential. Sometimes the most 'productive' thing we can do is repeatedly meet ourselves where we are, and give ourselves what we truly need, instead of what we had plan to do, because we think that is what we get us there. It is def not just you, the last few years have been storm, after storm for me, but there is another way, there is no 'normal', I think the most normal thing there is, is that there will ALWAYS be adverse 'weather'. Love to you, root yourself where you are, true strength comes out of riding those shit storms.
The world is so f'ked up, i stopped watching the news because its same-om same-o--morons on the loose, Trump, Putin, the shit show going on in the Sudan.................what a bunch of idjuts!
On a personal level, heart surgery in 2018, a cancer diagnosis in March of 2020 ( yup, the same exact time that covid reared it's torporous head). There was nothing available outside of chemo nd radia. due to the shutdown so went in blind.
Still dealing with the neuropathy, the metallic awfulness of food, inability to swallow (the throat got nailed, so no thyroid, not even able to talk). The speech therapist I was assigned to was an absolute shit-on-wheels, kept on saying "I am married to a psychiatrist" and wanted to go beyond her level of expertise because WHY ? (she was bored--I guess)? A complete nabob!
I don't care if she was married to Carl f'ing Jung, I quit after 9 sessions of uselessness. It would be about now that at the age of 73, I want to complain about the way seniors are treated by some of our so-called elite force of medical expertise. Not all, but some of them should never have been involved in "CAREGIVING".
So my granny told my dad who had just gotten through a surgery involving triple bypass ,"Now buckle up, son" What a joke! She was probably the reason he had the heart issue--not an ounce of love for that man, mostly a list of what she wanted him to do for her as soon as he was up and about.
SO I think we have to develop a sick sense of humor if we are to get through this---oh yeah, forgot to mention 2 of my sisters who have blackballed me for selfish reasons of their own----won't even get into that whine of theirs---I am doing my homework despite--they prefer to do shopping therapy as their 'healthy' choice. I have found out that one is born into a family, but you can pick your friends.
Here is to Jo Hanlon and her friends who I lol with and love because of! More rants to follow cause Ho said I could.. Love your posts, kiddo, and here is a wanker aphorism to crack you up: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
Def not just you. Currently so hard core over my job it’s a wonder I haven’t (yet) tipped a metaphorical can of petrol over my desk, told everyone I have no fucks to give and walked out (because, mortgage, wage slavery, etc). So, I concur. Fuck this for a game of soldiers. Hugs, across the ether x
Honestly Jo, I was sitting here thinking many of the same things, wondering what the hell to try and start next, when you dropped in my inbox. I keep feeling back to square one. I can't listen to the news any more as it upsets me too much. We need to move house but I can't get my head in the game as there's so much to do first. My body is currently throwing anxiety and depression at me in cycles, getting less frequent but I'd like to know when will it stop please. My solutions are to stop, breathe, do something for myself and take it one day (or sometimes one minute) at a time so overwhelm doesn't engulf me. Sending a big hug, I hope things improve for us all soon. xx
Feeling this so much today. My inner child wants to throw a tantrum because I’m tired and I’m overwhelmed and why does everyone want things from me? And despite having a weekend to myself without the family, I don’t feel better.
Thanks Luisa ❤️. I think I might do better to just try to float for a while.
Absolutely not just you. It seems this whole last year has been one thing after another. Just as I felt as if I might be on the road to recovery, have a plan, zappo! not so. While the severity of my dilemmas has lessened, I still keep asking myself, really? And my mother's favorite saying, "This too shall pass," helps, but not all the time. And, the state of the world just seems impossibly wrong. Some days I do just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, but so far have not caved in. The sun is shining today after days of gray and rain, so my outlook is a tad better. Thanks for the opportunity to vent!
"Fuck no, it's not just you", she says, slogging through the latest mire to ooze up in her path. With you in sodden solidarity.
Love your post.
https://deerambeau.substack.com/p/there-are-no-shortcuts-to-spiritual
Oh yes!! I experienced this last week! Just about dared to think ‘hey, it almost feels like I’ve got my shit together’ and then BAM!! Norovirus! BAM! Tooth abscess. *sigh*
Gosh, Jo - sending strength, and lots of it! 🏋🏻♀️
Oh so true. Everything just seems like A Lot at the minute and everyone I know seems to be in the same boat. It's as though all of the horrors of the past 3 years have just pushed us way beyond our normal coping mechanisms. And we are all just running on empty, frankly
Definitely NOT just you. I have a little dog that used to be sweet and cuddly and laid back but that got a little twitchy after his two companion dog buddies died and left him alone. I was telling someone about my little dog and I realized I could have been describing myself. There has been so much loss and chaos in my life these past 3 years that I too have become a wild eyed twitchy mess. I've been living in that state of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" for way too long. I'm beyond tired all of the time and I am fed up with the world and with people. I think pressure to be a part of a community has put me in the crankiest of states. I am tired of causes and gatherings--well, just people in general right now. I am so tired and overwhelmed. The world has gotten so damned noisy and ugly. I am going to spend a week in a cabin in the woods this summer (not my house--another house in another wood) with no kids or dogs or internet or phone service. I am hoping I can hit a reset button while there. I am desperate for a fresh start.
First, a big virtual hug. I feel all of this so much for you. And you are definitely not alone, as seen in the comments and looking all around me. I am saying this a lot lately: "I miss 2020." NOT the suffering, nor the fear, nor the crazy political games, nor the challenges others had to face, like home schooling and job losses. For us, it was a calm year. All of my husband's travel plans got cancelled and suddenly we didn't have to be anywhere or see anyone. No obligations for a whole year. That part was amazing. And now it's 2023 and the world is trying to make up for the lost fun while also spiraling into ever escalating political turmoil. It's a LOT. Especially when our personal lives are starting to spin out of control as well. I think some of that is simply part of aging, more things/people start breaking down, we have entered the time of natural decline and decay. Something I am still in denial about but I can feel it nipping at my heels, it's coming for me. Sending you much love, you've still got this xo
Ha. I was just having this conversation with an older dear friend of mine. She mentioned that her military dad’s wisdom was to keep your business to yourself and move on. Not sure that being “tough” is the answer but there is an element of truth. I could whine and bitch about my cars being over 100,000 miles and breaking all at the same time. I could complain that I’m not making any money but spending hundreds on my “business”. I could complain they my painter bailed on the job the day he was suppose to start. Oh yeah my house is a pit and I haven’t showered in a week. Hmmm. It does feel good but in the long run it is up to me to manage and deal with it all. I can enjoy the moments that are simple and easy. Like making pizza 🍕 a day early and binge watching Star Wars with my 21 kid. I’ll take it. I’ll put up with a lot if I can have little moments of pure joy. One day, hopefully soon, there will be more joy than the crap. Wishing you all a bit more fun and joy today. You deserve it. We all do. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have so much to say on the subject of goal setting, planning and that whole 'mindset', I am you, in a different chapter, and I struggled with the fact that nothing ever went according to plan for years. I was beyond frustrated and was SO resentful, and regularly thought what is the F***g point of even trying? I gave up planning some years back, because I felt so defeated, and ver much lost my enthusiasm, I've learnt the very hard and long way, that life, just like our need to create, cannot be planned. Planning and the goal driven mindset, leaves no room for the emotional journey we go on, and life to unfold, and that an incremental part of 'the work' is not planning our path, and trying to figure out the 'right way' to fulfil our (creative) potential, so much of 'the work' is in learning to trust, fostering faith, acknowledging the season we are in, and being at peace with ourselves and the pace at which we are paving our path towards our (creative) potential. Sometimes the most 'productive' thing we can do is repeatedly meet ourselves where we are, and give ourselves what we truly need, instead of what we had plan to do, because we think that is what we get us there. It is def not just you, the last few years have been storm, after storm for me, but there is another way, there is no 'normal', I think the most normal thing there is, is that there will ALWAYS be adverse 'weather'. Love to you, root yourself where you are, true strength comes out of riding those shit storms.
Nope, it's definitely not you.
The world is so f'ked up, i stopped watching the news because its same-om same-o--morons on the loose, Trump, Putin, the shit show going on in the Sudan.................what a bunch of idjuts!
On a personal level, heart surgery in 2018, a cancer diagnosis in March of 2020 ( yup, the same exact time that covid reared it's torporous head). There was nothing available outside of chemo nd radia. due to the shutdown so went in blind.
Still dealing with the neuropathy, the metallic awfulness of food, inability to swallow (the throat got nailed, so no thyroid, not even able to talk). The speech therapist I was assigned to was an absolute shit-on-wheels, kept on saying "I am married to a psychiatrist" and wanted to go beyond her level of expertise because WHY ? (she was bored--I guess)? A complete nabob!
I don't care if she was married to Carl f'ing Jung, I quit after 9 sessions of uselessness. It would be about now that at the age of 73, I want to complain about the way seniors are treated by some of our so-called elite force of medical expertise. Not all, but some of them should never have been involved in "CAREGIVING".
So my granny told my dad who had just gotten through a surgery involving triple bypass ,"Now buckle up, son" What a joke! She was probably the reason he had the heart issue--not an ounce of love for that man, mostly a list of what she wanted him to do for her as soon as he was up and about.
SO I think we have to develop a sick sense of humor if we are to get through this---oh yeah, forgot to mention 2 of my sisters who have blackballed me for selfish reasons of their own----won't even get into that whine of theirs---I am doing my homework despite--they prefer to do shopping therapy as their 'healthy' choice. I have found out that one is born into a family, but you can pick your friends.
Here is to Jo Hanlon and her friends who I lol with and love because of! More rants to follow cause Ho said I could.. Love your posts, kiddo, and here is a wanker aphorism to crack you up: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
Dear god yes. Can I just get a break and build a little momentum.